Why I'm Not Carrying Yet — And Why That's Exactly The Point

When I first started learning how to shoot, a good friend of mine, someone who knows firearms well, knows me well, and genuinely wanted to help, said something along the lines of: great, get a gun so you can start carrying.

He meant it kindly. He wasn't wrong, exactly. But something in me went: not yet.

I couldn't fully put it into words it at the time. I just knew that rushing into carrying didn't feel right, the same way rushing into anything serious doesn't feel right to me. I'm the kind of person who needs to actually know what I'm doing before I do it. Not just know it intellectually. Know it. In my hands, in my body, without having to think.

That feeling, that instinct to be deliberate, is actually where the name La Femme Defense came from. Thoughtfully prepared. Not fast. Not fearless. Prepared.

So no, I'm not carrying yet. I've been training for about three months. I just got my first personal firearm. And I still have a lot of work to do before I would feel comfortable carrying. It’s a really big responsibility.

Here's what that work actually looks like.

The Flying Lesson Analogy That Changed How I Think About This

When I was younger, I took flying lessons. And here's the thing about learning to fly, nobody throws you in a plane and says good luck.

Your instructor is there. At first, they're doing most of the flying. Then gradually you're doing more. You learn systems, you run checklists, you build hours. And when you finally solo, when you take that plane up alone for the first time, it's not because someone decided you'd probably be fine. It's because the hours and the checklists and the repetition have made you ready. You've earned that moment through a deliberate, staged process.

That's exactly how I think about carrying.

And here's the other thing about pilots: they don't skip the preflight checklist because they've done it a thousand times. They do it because they've done it a thousand times. The checklist isn't a sign that you don't know what you're doing. It's a sign that you do. Discipline looks like repetition. Competence looks like never skipping the fundamentals.

I want that relationship with carrying a firearm. I want it to be so practiced, so second nature, that I'm not thinking about any of it, I'm just ready.

What Massad Ayoob Got Right

Massad Ayoob, one of the most respected figures in firearms training and self-defense, describes a carry firearm as an emergency stopping device.

I love that framing because it's exactly right, and it reorients the whole conversation.

A firearm for self-defense is not an accessory. It's not a statement. It's a tool you carry hoping with everything you have that you will never, ever need to use it. And in the rare, terrible moment that you do, you don't get a practice round. You don't get a do-over. You need to be trained, accurate, and calm enough to use it effectively under conditions that are specifically designed by circumstance to make you the opposite of all three.

That's not something you prepare for casually.

The Accuracy Problem Nobody Talks About Enough

Here's something I think about a lot.

Let's say your groupings at the range are pretty good. Three, four inches. You've put in the work, you're consistent, you're proud of the progress, and you should be.

Now imagine you're in an actual emergency. Adrenaline is flooding your system. Your hands might be shaking. Your vision narrows. Every fine motor skill you have degrades.

Those three or four inch groupings? They might be fifteen inches now.

Which means your baseline accuracy, the accuracy you've built in calm, controlled conditions, needs to be significantly better than what you'd actually need in an emergency, because the emergency will take some of it away from you. You're not training for the range. You're training for the worst day of your life, and hoping you never have to use what you built.

That realization alone added months to my timeline. Willingly.

The Stages I'm Working Through

When I started, I didn't know any of this. I didn't know about laser training pistols or holster draw practice or concealed carry classes. I learned through reading, forums, blogs, research, the same way I learn everything.

And what emerged was a process. Not a checklist you complete once, but a series of stages that build on each other. Here's how I'm thinking about it:

Stage 1: Get to the range and find instruction. This doesn't have to be private lessons. A class works. The point is getting hands-on time with someone qualified to correct what you can't see yourself doing wrong.

Stage 2: Try different firearms. Before you can train seriously with a carry gun, you need to find out what actually fits your hand, what you can manage, what feels like an extension of you rather than a foreign object. This takes time and range time with different guns.

Stage 3: Choose your carry gun and train with that specific gun. This is important and under-discussed. Muscle memory is built around one specific platform. The weight, the safety, the trigger pull, where every control lives, your hands need to learn all of that so deeply that you never have to think about it. Switching guns when you're under stress is a recipe for hesitation at exactly the wrong moment. Pick your gun. Train with that gun. Repeatedly.

Stage 4: Take your concealed carry class. This is non-negotiable. It covers the legal framework, the responsibilities, and the practical requirements of carrying in your state. It's also where you'll start thinking seriously about how and where you carry.

Stage 5: Research holster options and choose one. There are more ways to carry than most beginners realize, appendix, hip, small of back, shoulder, off-body. Each has tradeoffs. Each works differently for different body types, clothing choices, and lifestyles. For women especially, this decision deserves real research. I'm still in this stage.

Stage 6: Practice holster draws, starting at home with a training tool. This is where the Mantis Titan X comes in for me. The Titan X is a laser training pistol, inert, completely safe, holster-compatible, that lets you practice draws at home with real data feedback through the Mantis app. It even has a Holster Draw Analysis drill that breaks down each phase of your draw and shows you where you're slow or inconsistent.

The point isn't to skip range time. The point is to build the repetitions safely, at home, before you're doing it with your actual firearm. Hundreds of draws before the first one that counts.

Stage 7: Carry unloaded at home first. Before carrying in the world, I plan to spend time just getting used to carrying, the weight, the feel, the presence of it on my body. Unloaded, at home, private. You're not building shooting skills in this stage. You're building physical familiarity and awareness. It's a stage that gets skipped and probably shouldn't be.

Stage 8: Repetition until nothing requires thought. The four rules of gun safety. The draw. The re-holster. The awareness. None of it should require a reminder. It should just be how you move through the world. That's the standard I'm holding myself to. It takes time. I'm giving it time.

What This Category Is

Carry & EDC on La Femme Defense isn't going to be a category full of holster reviews and "what's in my bag" posts, at least not yet, because I'm not there yet.

What it's going to be is an honest, real-time documentation of this entire journey. The research. The decisions. The training stages as I reach them. The things I figure out and the things I get wrong.

If you're somewhere in this process too, curious about carrying someday, not sure where to start, feeling like maybe you're not ready and wondering if that instinct is right, you're in the right place.

The instinct is right. Take your time. Do it properly.

You don't solo until you're ready.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long should I train before carrying a concealed firearm? There's no universal answer, but I'd push back on anyone who says a weekend class is enough. My personal timeline is approximately 10 months of consistent training before I carry, and that includes private instruction, range time, a concealed carry class, holster training, and dry fire practice at home. The right timeline is the one that gets you to the point where every fundamental is second nature, not something you have to remind yourself of.

What is the first step to carrying a concealed firearm? Before anything else, get professional instruction. Find a qualified instructor or take a beginner class. You need someone who can see what you can't see yourself doing wrong. Everything else builds from that foundation.

Do I need a concealed carry class before I carry? Yes, in most states it's legally required, but beyond the legal requirement, the class covers the framework, responsibilities, and practical realities of carrying that you genuinely need to understand. Don't skip it even if your state doesn't require it.

What is the Mantis Titan X and how does it help with carry training? The Mantis Titan X is a laser training pistol, completely inert, safe to use at home, and compatible with real holsters. It lets you practice holster draws repeatedly without using your actual firearm, and it connects to the Mantis app to give you data on each phase of your draw. For anyone building toward carrying, it's an incredibly valuable tool for building the repetitions safely before you're doing it with a loaded gun.

Is it okay to carry unloaded at home first? Not only okay, I think it's smart. Getting used to the weight, the feel, and the presence of a firearm on your body before you carry loaded is a stage most people skip and probably shouldn't. Do it at home, privately. Build the physical familiarity before the stakes are real.

What does "muscle memory" mean in the context of firearms training? Muscle memory means a skill has been practiced so many times that your body performs it automatically without conscious thought. In firearms training this matters enormously, especially for carrying, because under stress your fine motor skills degrade and your brain defaults to what it has practiced most. If your draw, your grip, and your safety habits aren't deeply practiced, stress will expose the gaps. Train until it's automatic.

Want to read more about where I started? These posts will catch you up:

• Don't Make My Mistake: Why There's No Rush to Buy Your First Gun

• Why My First Range Day Almost Kept Me Away From Guns Forever

I'm a student, not an instructor. Everything I share reflects my personal experience and ongoing training. Always follow the four fundamental safety rules, work with a qualified instructor, and know your local laws.

About the Author

Megan Graham is a lifelong competitive athlete and two-time "Best of Boston" award-winning hair colorist with 24 years in the professional beauty industry. If you'd told her a few years ago she'd be building a firearms website for women, she would have laughed.

Her introduction to shooting as an adult wasn't exactly inspiring — wrong gun, overwhelming environment, long time away. But when a close friend nudged her back with the right gun, something clicked. As a competitive athlete, Megan has always believed confidence comes from preparation and practice. That belief led her back to the range. And kept her there.